The Bad Boy Misconception

When I was about to turn 16 I had not experienced a single ounce of dating success. I was still a virgin, I had never had a girlfriend, and I’d not even had my first kiss.

Knowing the average age a boy loses his virginity is 16, I felt the need to step on the gas.

At the time I knew girls didn’t like me and the guys they do like they’re always complaining about, so they must like guys who are hard to get. Bad Boys.

So my arrogant character arc began. I started to use social tactics like not texting back for extended periods, posting on my story me having a great time while I left the girl’s message unopened. I would do just about everything I could think of that would make me seem unattainable.

To my delight, it seemed to work. I had my first kiss months later and lost my virginity a year after that. Being so strongly rewarded for this behaviour, it of course continued.

The problem… I couldn’t keep a relationship to save my life. I would have one failed relationship after the next for the next 5 years before finally realizing what really changed when I turned 16.

The social tactics weren’t actually what brought me success. In fact, they certainly were just hindering me from having even more.

Ice Cream Kills?

Above is a chart showing a near-perfect correlation between ice cream sales and forest fires in America.

Does this mean ice cream sales cause forest fires? No, of course not, but due to both increasing in summer they seemingly correlate.

The connection between perceived attractiveness by women and being a bad boy/unavailable guy is similar. The guys that girls are attracted to tend not to give them a ton of attention or idolize them, but that’s not what causes the attraction.

The Bad Boy Misconception Explained

The Bad Boy Misconception states - High-value men tend not to give individual women special attention because they have so many options. Not giving a woman special attention does not make a man high-value though.

The things that make a man high-value in the Western world are…

• Facial Attractiveness

• Height

• Frame/Muscularity/Leanness

• Socioeconomic Status

• Social Status

How women respond to you is based on these traits. If you meet her criteria for the big 5 + You’re her favourable phenotype, you can say pretty much anything and she’ll still be into you. Asshole or Simp it doesn’t really matter.

From what I’ve observed “high-value” men usually look closer to assholes than simps since they reject more women than they accept due to having so many options.

This gives the impression women like assholes, but really they just like high-value men who in general appear like assholes to women they aren’t interested in.

What did bring me success?

In hindsight, it’s pretty obvious. It was almost certainly puberty, accutane, and better grooming. Puberty led to me getting sexually frustrated enough that I actually started going out of my way to talk to girls as well as making my face more mature. Combine puberty’s facial development with accutane, and a better haircut and I jumped at least 2 points on the 1-10 looks scale.

Mistakenly attributing my newfound success to my change in actions cost me a lot of head & heart-ache that I hope this article can save you.

Acting unattainable and unavailable usually gives women the impression you don’t like them, it doesn’t make them attracted to you.

Not to mention, continuing to act unattainable and unavailable into a relationship is a death sentence. It makes it impossible for the girl to trust you(the foundation of a relationship) making building a relationship while holding this frame impossible.

How to actually improve your dating life

If you want more women to be attracted to you you got two options.

1. Focus on improving the big 5 of attractiveness. As these improve, you will meet a greater percentage of women’s criteria and you’re dating life will feel easier.

2. Increase the number of women you meet. Even if you meet a low amount of women’s criteria, if you meet enough women you’ll almost certainly meet one that you do meet the criteria of.

I’ve gone into detail on these 2 principles in past articles and will continue to do so in future articles, but those are the general ideas.

For now, just remember, girls don’t like assholes, they like high-value guys whether they’re assholes or not.