The 4 differences between men and women

Everyone, whether they’ll admit it or not, knows men and women are different, but very few can pin point exactly what makes us different.

Dating felt like I was playing chess without knowing what the pieces did until I understood what makes us different.

I commonly found myself asking…
“why is it creepy when a man does that, but not when a woman does it?”
“why are women so sensitive about everything?”
“why do women get shamed for sleeping around while men draw envy for it?”

It’s only when I understood these differences that everything began to make sense. Dating no longer felt like a mystery I was stumbling through hoping things just worked out. It was a game, one with clear defined rules that I could play by.

What are these differences? Well there’s 4.

1. Women are physically weaker than men

2. Women are more agreeable

3. Women are more neurotic

4. Women take on more risk with sex than men

Each one of these affects the dynamic of the sexual market place in a different way and understanding all 4 is critical to understanding how women and the dating market actually work.

1. Women are physically weaker than men

I think most of you know this but it needs to be discussed. Women are on average significantly weaker, slower, and smaller, with less bone mass then men. These attributes make them way worse at fighting. If you paired a random man and women up the man would win in a fight 99/100 times.

How does this affect the sexual market place though. It’s pretty simple, women are inherently weary and “on guard” when meeting a man for the first time. When you approach a women she is starting from a place of being on edge because she knows if you wanted to you could seriously harm her.

You ever notice that women are never called creepy while men are? this is why. Women have an inherent fear of men.

Now obviously familiarity diminishes this fear, but remember when you’re getting to know a girl, building trust is of the up most importance. She’s not going home with you if there’s a 1% chance you might want to hurt her because if you decide to, she’s screwed. On the other hand you’re probably fine going home with a women you just met cause at worst you could just runaway or beat her up.

2. Women are more agreeable than men.

For those of you that don’t know, science actually has a pretty good understanding of what makes up peoples personalities. It’s referred to as the the “Big 5”, made up of 5 traits. Extraversion, conscientiousness, openness to experience, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Any other personality trait you’ve heard of or test you’ve taken is made up. High agency, emotional intelligence, myers briggs, DISC, etc. are all made up. They are either just different ways of saying one of the Big 5 or don’t exist.

Of the 5 traits, men and women have noticeable differences on two. Agreeableness and neuroticism.

Agreeableness is made up of two parts, compassion(how much you care about others emotions) and politeness(how blunt you are when you speak). Women are significantly higher in both. What this means for the dating market is women will on average work harder to avoid hurting peoples feelings, including lying.

For those who aren’t aware women lie a lot, not with ill intention or anything, but simply not to hurt your feelings. It’s why men seem to have no understanding of what women find attractive. If you ask them, usually they’ll just say whatever they think will make you feel the best.

The place I think this difference in personality makes the most difference though is once you get into a relationship. When you’re in a relationship with a woman and she has a problem that she feels may hurt your feelings to talk about, she won’t talk about it. Don’t be fooled, she still has the problem but unless you pry it out of her she won’t tell you. If these unresolved problems continue to build up she will grow to resent you over these issues, leading to an eventual implosion of your relationship. So if your girl says “I’m fine”, don’t always believe her.

Now keep in mind these are averages and your girl might be the exception, but on average the for the majority of your relationships, you will have to mange this dynamic.

Tips for managing this are:

• Try you’re best to complement her/thank her for opening up about issues when she does. It’s likely hard for her and rewarding the behaviour will make it easier to continue doing overtime.

• If it seems like she has a problem she probably does and you should push to get it out of her. Obviously be kind about it. Telling her “I just want the best for our relationship and that requires trust, so what’s the problem” is usually pretty effective.

3. Women are more neurotic than men.

The second personality trait that men and women differ on is trait neuroticism. If you took a random man and woman, the woman would be more neurotic 62% of the time, the largest gap of any personality trait.

Trait neuroticism is responsible for ones sensitivity to negative emotions. This is why the classic line “it’s not that big a deal” get’s such a bad response. It’s a bigger deal to her than it is to you since everything negative is.

As with agreeability, the place this plays the largest difference is when you’re already in a relationship. On average, in a relationship the woman will feel any problems more than the man will.

What this means for you is your girlfriend is more likely to breakup with you than you are to breakup with her, this is reflected in both surveys and the divorce initiation rate. So if you’re feeling problems in the relationship you need to get on them now. In all likelihood your girl is feeling them more intensely than you are and is closer to breaking up with you than you are her.

4. Sex is riskier for women than men.

The final difference between men and women are their mechanisms of reproduction. Women get pregnant, while men get women pregnant.

This means whenever a woman has sex she’s risking 9 months of vulnerability and the chance of dying while giving birth. Not to mention, if survives both, now has a full child to protect and raise, and if she picks the wrong guy, to protect and raise on her own. A pretty big risk.

This impacts the sexual market in a couple ways.

1. Women are the ones who decide whether to have sex or not.

2. Women are extremely hesitant to have casual sex.

This doesn’t mean women don’t like or want sex, it just means most women(there definitely are some exceptions) will be hesitant about casual sex. So if you want casual sex you’re going to need to be a true outlier in her mind.

Think about it, if she could get casual sex from any man in her life why would she get it from you and take these risks? You may have a good answer to that question, but it’s something you need to consider if your goal is to get casual sex.

Usually being an outlier will occur in the form of being very good looking or her particular type, but sometimes it’s just an outlier time or event in her life. Common examples of these outlier times/events are; she’s on vacation and wants to have a crazy time or she want’s to forget about an ex.

That’s it…

You’re not THAT different, but you are different.

I’ve found understanding these differences key to navigating the dating game without crossing any lines while still getting results. I know the pain of feeling confused when interacting with women, but I haven’t felt that since learning these differences and hopefully you’ll never need to again.

And as always I’ll See You Next Thursday.